Make sure everyone's party to the action

Weddings. At their best there's nothing like them, writes Joan McFadden.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR: Debra Messing and Dermot Mulroney starred in The Wedding Date

The chance to dress up, have a fabulous day with some of your favourite people, meet some lovely new ones and generally enjoy the celebrations.

But for some people, for a variety of reasons, a wedding can be a difficult prospect, especially if they are single and have to think about going along on their own.

And for most singletons, it is not as simple as picking up Yellow Pages and finding yourself a handsome escort, as Debra Messing did in the film the Wedding Date.

As busy and single New Yorker Kat Ellis, she was desperate for a date for her sister's wedding, where the bestman was her former boyfriend.

Needless to say, Kat met the love of her life and they lived happily ever after ... well, it was a Hollywood film but, alas, things don't always work out so well in real life.

The truth is that while some weddings run like clockwork, by their very nature they are a very emotionally charged situation which can lead to unexpected problems.

To begin with, women - and I make no apology for generalisation here being one myself - can have very fixed ideas about what they want their big day to be like, sometimes to the extent of not even really talking it over with their groom. He might fancy a swift registry office ceremony and a knees up with half a dozen close friends, while she's already sketched out a pleasing theme of softest pink and lilac, echoed not just in the six flower girls' bouquets but running through the cravats of the bridal party&what do you mean, you're not wearing a morning suit?

Remembering why you actually wanted to marry each other can be hard in the midst of all the stress of getting everything just right.

First and foremost has to be that the couple agree on what type of wedding they want and this can take tact and diplomacy, especially once you start throwing parents into the mix.

If one of you fancies a small intimate do and the other the party of a lifetime then there's some negotiation to be done, from both sides. Small can be perfect. The ideal dress, beautiful setting, delightful meal, all with a chosen few, and then perhaps a mad party when you get back from your honeymoon. The important thing is the person you're marrying but you need to reach a compromise or you could be harbouring grudges for years.

The same goes with inlaws and outlaws. Unless they're paying for it outright, they're not calling the shots, so if you don't want mad Uncle Bernie who always gets drunk and amorous then be firm but calm. Your wedding, your call. Life can get difficult when there are warring factions within the families and all of them have to be there. If there are step parents and new and old partners involved, you need to do a bit of juggling and it's always easier if you have a couple of spares, rather than just one person feeling out of it.

If there are two or three partners of various vintage, then go for a simple top table with the birth parents of bride and groom, as well as the wedding party and make sure all other partners are seated with people they know well and feel comfortable with.

Don't lump them altogether, no matter how tempting that is - you'll make them feel left out of it and they could become cantankerous.

Throw in a couple of glasses of champagne and you could end up with a fight which would leave Bruce Willis stunned. Employ this policy throughout the seating plan because there really is no need to stick to some antiquated plan of how everyone should be organised.

Always keep potentially difficult situations to a minimum and ensure that people who don't know anyone else are seated with someone chatty and welcoming, even making a point of asking them to make sure the strangers feel welcome.

If a guest is coming along to the wedding on their own, put a little extra effort into making sure they are seated with people who will go out of their way to be friendly.

Unless you've had the foresight to plan separate feeding and entertaining of the children with a couple of paid childminders in attendance, then seat children beside their parents. But it is a good idea to see if you can organise a room with a TV and many DVD's for when the little darlings get bored and set aboutdisrupting the speeches.

Have a friend or relative primed to collect and take home the cake, any presents and items, such as cameras, at the end of the night while you retire to the honeymoon suite.

Now stop worrying and enjoy yourselves. You've pre-empted all potential problems and any other hiccups can be sorted out by the best man and chief bridesmaid.

They might well bond over all this and find true love, which is only a problem if they're already actually married to other people.