Let's hear it for my mate, Chick. Okay, he's not the brightest bulb on the
Christmas tree. Last summer in Tenerife, for example, he spent the entire
fortnight stuck inside his hotel room. "What else could I do?" he later
claimed. "There was a sign hanging from the door handle that said Do Not
Disturb." Yes, he's daft - but he's not stupid. And once again, dear reader, I'm
delighted to tell you he achieved mission impossible - by out-foxing the
Edinburgh traffic wardens.
Now, as I'm sure you're all aware, these guys have a penchant for slapping
tickets on all sorts of vehicles. Remember those recent reports with ambulances
and even a hearse? However, Chick's always got a cunning plan up his sleeve. In
the summer, I never thought he'd get away with the scribbled note he left inside
his windscreen - Ice Pole Mechanic On Duty.
But, hey, it was a particularly hot afternoon and, let's face it, I don't
suppose you need too many O'Grades to be a traffic warden. So, sure enough,
everything was fine. Last week's bit of jiggery-pokery was a real classic,
though, and I hope you'll join me - particularly motorists reading this page -
in saluting the man.
He parked his car and started writing another piece of Pulitzer Prize-winning
fiction. "Dear Traffic Warden, I have just popped across to the bank. I'm
visiting from Ireland and do not know parking restrictions in your beautiful
city. Please excuse my car for a short time. God bless you, Father Frank
O'Flaherty."
Different class, eh? And what about his stunning props - an A-Z of Edinburgh
rather nicely left open on the passenger seat - and rosary beads hanging from
the mirror.
Okay, a trifle over the top, but what the hell (oops, Father), we didn't get
a ticket. Mind you, Chick's not boasting too much. You see, while we were
enjoying our lunch, a couple of passing Rangers fans spotted his car and torched
it. Nah, only joking.
But listen, folks, a £40 parking fine still wouldn't be enough to wipe the
smile off your coupon after eating at Monster Mash.
Happy Days Are Here Again say the signs on the wall inside this '60's-style
retro cafe - and I couldn't agree more. The tiny bar near the front door is
decorated with jars of Kola pub Kubes, Flying Saucers, Sherbet Dabs and Love
Hearts. And if you fancy a chuckle why not help yourself to a copy of The Beano.
The tables are well-stocked with all the essentials - salt, pepper, vinegar,
tomato ketchup and HP sauce - and the menu will bring the memories flooding
back.
Traditional British classics. That's what it's all about and the
mouthwatering line-up includes steak pie, fish and chips, macaroni cheese and
shepherd's pie.
Top of the bill, however, is undoubtedly the superb sausage and mash.
Five different types of banger are available (from Edinburgh's award-winning
sausage-maker, Crombie's) three varieties of mash and three flavours of
gravy.
Details
0131 225 7069
But, hey, it was a particularly hot afternoon and, let's face it, I don't
suppose you need too many O'Grades to be a traffic warden. So, sure enough,
everything was fine. Last week's bit of jiggery-pokery was a real classic,
though, and I hope you'll join me - particularly motorists reading this page -
in saluting the man.
